QATAR PETS

To be placed VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion pounds for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children."

The 10 Commandments
From a Pet's Standpoint

• My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you buy me.
  
  
• Give me time to understand what you want from me don't be impatient, short-tempered or irritable.
  
  
• Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back, respect is earned not given as an inaliable right.
  
  
• Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment, I am not capable of understanding why? I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment and friends. I only have you.
  
  
• Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice and your tone "just look at my tail".
  
  
• Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it and if it's cruel it may affect me forever.
  
  
• Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite and scratch and I really don't ever want to do that.
  
  
• Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right foods or I've been out in the sun too long or my heart is getting old and weak or I may be just dog tired.
  
  
• Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and may also need love, care, and attention.
  
  
• Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence". Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember Irrespective of what you do I will always love and adore you, for that is the very nature of the Dog.
  
  © Stan Rawlinson 1998
  Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer
  www.doglistener.co.uk
  0208 979 2019

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  ~Ben Williams


The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.  ~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912


From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.  ~Mabel Louise Robinson


Dogs are miracles with paws.  ~Attributed to Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy


Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.  ~Holbrook Jackson


The dog is the only animal that has seen his god.  ~Author Unknown


Dogs' lives are too short.  Their only fault, really.  ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull


My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet.  ~Edith Wharton


We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults.  Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.  ~George Eliot


I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner


I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.  They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death.  Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying.  ~George Bird Evans, Troubles with Bird Dogs


Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.  ~Agnes Repplier


One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.  ~Author Unknown


Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.  ~Franklin P. Jones


I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands.  When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat.  For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.  ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth


When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!  ~David Starr Jordan


Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.  ~Corey Ford


If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.  ~Phil Pastoret


With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.  ~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs


The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man.  ~Robertson Davies


Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.  ~Max Eastman, Enjoyment of Laughter


My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.  ~Author Unknown


If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.  ~Andy Rooney


A dog is not "almost human" and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.  ~John Holmes


If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.  ~Will Rogers


The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.  ~Mme. de Staël


Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?  But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.  ~Steve Bluestone


To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.  ~Aldous Huxley


They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.  ~Jerome K. Jerome


Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that is how dogs spend their lives.  ~Sue Murphy


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.  ~Roger Caras


The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.  ~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899


The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.  ~Ambrose Bierce

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.  ~O.A. Battista


In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human.  The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.  ~Edward Hoagland


If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.  ~Karel Èapek


Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the Virtues of Man, without his Vices.  This Praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the Memory of Boatswain, a Dog.  ~George Gordon, Lord Byron, "Inscription on the Monument of a Newfoundland Dog"


The dog was created specially for children.  He is the god of frolic.  ~Henry Ward Beecher


The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.  ~Polish Proverb


A man may smile and bid you hail
Yet wish you to the devil;
But when a good dog wags his tail,
You know he's on the level.
~Author Unknown


Dogs have given us their absolute all.  We are the center of their universe.  We are the focus of their love and faith and trust.  They serve us in return for scraps.  It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.  ~Roger Caras


No philosophers so thoroughly comprehend us as dogs and horses.  ~Herman Melville, Redburn. His First Voyage, 1849


Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.  ~Franklin P. Jones


Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.  ~Oxford Union Society, London, Rule 46


In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man.  ~Maurice Maeterlinck


Happiness is a warm puppy.  ~Charles M. Schulz


No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.  ~Christopher Morley


If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail.  ~Fran Lebowitz


Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.  ~Dave Barry


A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.  ~Ogden Nash


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.  ~Author Unknown


Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies.  ~Gene Hill


I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.  ~Author Unknown


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  ~Andy Rooney


My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.  That's almost $7.00 in dog money.  ~Joe Weinstein


I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.  ~G.K. Chesterton


If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.  ~Author Unknown


The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.  ~Portuguese Proverb


A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.  ~Robert Benchley


The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.  ~Winston Pendelton


Life is like a dog sled team.  If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.  ~Lewis Grizzard


You ask of my companions.  Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me.  They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.  ~Emily Dickinson


There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.  ~Konrad Lorenz


If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.  ~Woodrow Wilson


Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger.  ~Albert Payson Terhune


You think dogs will not be in heaven?  I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.  ~Robert Louis Stevenson


To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.  ~Milan Kundera


When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.  ~Edward Abbey


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.  ~Josh Billings


I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.  ~Penny Ward Moser


A dog can express more with his tail in seconds than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.  ~Author Unknown


I love a dog.  He does nothing for political reasons.  ~Will Rogers


Children are for people who can't have dogs.  ~Author Unknown


I named my dog Stay so I can say, "Come here, Stay.  Come here, Stay."  ~Steven Wright


When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.  ~Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat.  ~Author Unknown


The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.  ~Alphonse Toussenel


When a dog wants to hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.  ~Ramona C. Albert


Both humans and dogs love to play well into adulthood, and individuals from both species occasionally display evidence of having a conscience.  ~Jon Winokur


The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.  ~Margo Kaufman


Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.  ~Robert Benchley


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.  ~Rita Rudner


Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.  ~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat


Labradors [are] lousy watchdogs.  They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new, not a warning.  ~Norman Strung


Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.  ~Josh Billings


Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on.  ~Colette


The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.  ~Winston Churchill


I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're the best for everyday.  ~George Bernard Shaw

 It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens.  ~Cynthia E. Varnado


In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.  ~Dereke Bruce


There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.  ~Tay Hohoff


If cats could talk, they wouldn't.  ~Nan Porter


There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats.  ~Albert Schweitzer


A catless writer is almost inconceivable.  It's a perverse taste, really, since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys.  ~Barbara Holland


If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.  ~Mark Twain


Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.  ~Joseph Wood Krutch


The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.  ~Doug Larson


There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone.  ~Louis J. Camuti


As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.  ~Ellen Perry Berkeley


The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.  ~Paula Poundstone


Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.  ~Pam Brown


After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word.  And has filed it for reference.  ~Charlotte Gray


A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings.  ~William Ralph Inge


The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal - it's also the reason they hate birds.  ~K.C. Buffington


A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization.  ~Author Unknown


There has never been a cat
Who couldn't calm me down
By walking slowly
Past my chair.
~Rod McKuen


Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning.  He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling.  ~Helen Powers


Cats do care.  For example they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off.  ~Michael Nelson


When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she is to me?  ~Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1580


Kittens are born with their eyes shut.  They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.  ~Stephen Baker


I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult.  It's not.  Mine had me trained in two days.  ~Bill Dana


If there is one spot of sun spilling onto the floor, a cat will find it and soak it up.  ~J.A. McIntosh


No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.  ~Leo Dworken


It doesn't do to be sentimental about cats; the best ones don't respect you for it.  ~Susan Howatch


A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem.  ~Jean Burden


The cat is the only animal without visible means of support who still manages to find a living in the city.  ~Carl van Vechten


There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.  ~Wesley Bates


If the pull of the outside world is strong, there is also a pull towards the human.  The cat may disappear on its own errands, but sooner or later, it returns once again for a little while, to greet us with its own type of love.  ~Lloyd Alexander


One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it's affection, the taste, or a trial run for the jugular.  ~Helen Thomson


I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.  A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.  ~Jules Verne


A cat pours his body on the floor like water.  ~William Lyon Phelps


There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten.  ~Jules Champfleury


A cat improves the garden wall in sunshine, and the hearth in foul weather.  ~Judith Merkle Riley


A cat's got her own opinion of human beings.  She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.  ~Jerome K. Jerome


I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat.  ~Edgar Allan Poe


The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights.  His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life.  ~Carl Van Vechten


Cats come and go without ever leaving.  ~Martha Curtis


Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.  ~Joseph Wood Krutch


You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats.  ~Proverb


The cat is the only animal which accepts the comforts but rejects the bondage of domesticity.  ~Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon


The city of cats and the city of men exist one inside the other, but they are not the same city.  ~Italo Calvino


Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.  ~Mary Bly


If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.  ~Lemony Snicket


Are we really sure the purring is coming from the kitty and not from our very own hearts?  ~Emme Woodhull-Bäche, translated


My cat speaks sign language with her tail.  ~Robert A. Stern


Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.  True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.  ~Missy Dizick


In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.  ~Terry Pratchett


Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.  ~Robertson Davies


The cat is domestic only as far as suits its own ends.  ~Saki


Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.  ~Garrison Keillor


The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat.  ~Jules Reynard


Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.  ~Louis J. Camuti


Kittens believe that all nature is occupied with their diversion.  ~F.A. Paradis de Moncrif


What greater gift than the love of a cat?  ~Charles Dickens


Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream.
~T.S. Eliot


People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.  ~Faith Resnick


Most of us rather like our cats to have a streak of wickedness.  I should not feel quite easy in the company of any cat that walked about the house with a saintly expression.  ~Beverly Nichols


Kittens are angels with whiskers.  ~Author Unknown


Even if you have just destroyed a Ming Vase, purr.  Usually all will be forgiven.  ~Lenny Rubenstein


You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?  And radio operates exactly the same way:  you send signals here, they receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat.  ~Albert Einstein